There were times in my life where I could not find me. I know that sounds a bit bizarre; people lose sunglasses, keys, and wallets but how does one lose her own being? I guess what I’m trying to say is that I created this character/persona out of a need for approval and consequently misplaced the essence of “ME”. This need for approval allowed me to lose and sometimes intentionally bury myself with hopes that “I” would go undiscovered.
Many of you reading this know what it is like to feel a little bit of reprieve when someone laughs with you even if they are laughing “at” you. Sometimes going so low just to feel a momentary euphoria from a pseudo- acceptance.
Just making a fool of myself was not even a hand full of the dirt at my burial; the most of it came when I chose to ignore my own convictions.
Sometimes we can be so desperate to appease that it becomes convenient to go with “majority rules.” Those times are the hardest because even though we feel like we have avoided confrontation between us, others, and our persona, our hearts break with disgust from within. They break with disgust from knowing there was a part of us that had chosen to act so cowardly.
Ironically enough, I felt most encouraged to be myself when I was in the presence of another person who was comfortable and confident in being themselves. So I guess this is a good starting point: surrounding yourself with those that inspire truth. I had faked it for so long though that I could not tell what was the “knock-off” me or the real deal. So, I started a sifting process to separate the facade from the authentic me.
I spent much time in prayer in order separate myself with things connected to my socially accepted persona.
For the sake of brevity, I’ll just say that it’s been a long time coming for each of us but I assure you that something beautiful has and continues to take place within me. And when we decide to simply be who we were meant to be and not whom we think or others think we should be, it will with us all.
When you decide to follow truth; it pervades every area of our lives.
Our relationships become more organic, (because how can there be authentic relationships with others if there is an false relationship with ourselves) our attire is based our own taste, our morals and beliefs are not compromised, and the “us” that is truly within grows stronger and stronger.
If you’re not quite there yet, I dare you to give it a try. Ditch your body double and let the real you make her debut. Give that other person back her clothes, jokes, speech, hobbies, standards, and everything else that belongs to her because the real you does not need those things borrowed.
“When you find yourself, you have found a treasure that has the power to make all of humanity a little bit richer.”