Retiring the Term “Boyfriend/Girlfriend”

huge.102.514829In the day in age where it’s common to prefer commitment without committing, the term boyfriend” and/or “girlfriend” has become the go-to relationship title for  school kids and adults alike.

To be a boyfriend/girlfriend usually means you commit to being monogamous, form “emotional webs” or ties to someone and their family, and sometimes you even begin to create a family of your own. It also serves as a way to let others know you are no longer available to be courted.  

The idea behind the Boyfriend/Girlfriend role is that you are able to get to know each other exclusively without anyone else getting to know them as well. Sometimes you live together, share bills… run a home. It’s like having all of the benefits of a marriage, without the financial risks and without the covenant made between you, your spouse and God. It’s commitment without committing. 

And we get it! (Got the t-shirt)

So why should we retire such a good thing that’s convenient, and emotionally/financially beneficial to everyone?

            Here are 8 Reasons:


1. You Can Date More than one Person

Just like described in the The One and Done Theory, dating should be nothing more than dating…a time of courtship. It’s important to keep in mind that there’s still a great chance that you both won’t connect on a level that maybe you both are hoping for. There should be no obligations to each other outside of honesty, friendship and sincerity in getting to know each other. You are not his and he is not yours until you’re married. So just enjoy the time of getting to know him, and him, and him until one sticks! (This, of course, is under the assumption that 1. you are already WHOLE and not dependent on relationships and 2. you are saving sex for  marriage)

2. You can Break-up, or Break Free Without Ill Feelings

You’ve gained a friend! Now without the emotional webs you create after sleeping with each other, and sharing families with one another, you’re able to say, “Hey! We aren’t meant to be, but you’ll be amazing for someone else” without nearly zero emotional damage.

3. You Can Remain FriendsScreen Shot 2014-03-19 at 9.56.40 PM

Well, you didn’t sleep together and you didn’t function has husband and wife, you functioned as friends. Two people wanting to get to know each other in hopes of something more but then discovering there was nothing there, is nothing in comparison to spending years building a home and then it doesn’t work out. A clean exit can usually leave the door open for friendship, because you wont be befriending your ex.

4. Avoid “Battle of the Titles”

First your friend Friend, then your Fiancé, and finally your Husband. Easy peasy pumpkin easy. Now, there’s no guessing “what you are”. If we aren’t engaged, you’re a friend. Yes different friends have different levels of friendship, but in the end, you should be marrying your BEST friend, and you are single until you are married. What we’re saying is don’t allow people into your world so easily. A man should EARN your heart, not just be able to obtain it with a “girlfriend” title. A man should EARN the right to create a human life with you. A man should EARN the right to meet you children, build relationships with your family, and learn about your deepest dreams and desires.  A man WANTS to earn you and he wants to know you are not a prize that anyone can obtain without a fight.

5. You’ll learn More About Yourself (and the other person)

The other person: Hanging out, getting to know each other, and going on dates are the activities you should be partaking in. Moving in, playing house, and taking on responsibilities outside of that relationship may serve as a distraction from really getting to know the person you’re with.

Yourself: With each relationship you learn not only ways you can improve, but also what you are willing to accept/not accept in a marriage. Grant it, quality time with yourself is the BEST way to learn more about yourself, through dating you’re able to discover more about the type of spouse you work best with. You discover what you’re willing to negotiate and what you are not. Which brings me to…

6. You’re Free to Create Your Standards with Less Chances of Compromising Them

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Photo credit:

One should be very careful with compromising their non-negotiables. Chances are your non-negotiables because they are expectation you hold very dear to your heart.

Compromising them now may be a quick fix, but they are sure to come up in the relationship later on. Without the emotional webs[book recommendation] that come after sleeping with someone, and without a live-in spouse, you’ll feel less reliant on the other person. You feel free, empowered and confident in what you to have to offer and what you’re will allow into your life.

8. You’ll be Saving the Special Part of You for the one That Really Deserves it..and They’ll Be All Yours

Turns out, according to Tony Gaskins, men really do care about your “body count”. But even more so, how empowering is it to be able to say,  “My body is special, and not everyone is welcome to it”.

Please share your thoughts below!

Stay Polished Pistil


Alexandria + Native | Arlington + Resident | Late Twenties | I Love = God + Mini + Simple Thrills + Art + Love + Humility

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